I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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