she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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