i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Randomize
