Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
