69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
did i walk over a car last night?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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