The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
