Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Randomize
