So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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