Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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