She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I just made out with a guy for $7.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
should my penis look like a turkey
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Randomize
