Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
