I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
