you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
