Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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