I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
