my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize