I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
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