And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
