You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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