My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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