wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
