Your dad touched me again.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
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