I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
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