Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
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I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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