The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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