I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
