Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Randomize
