i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
