I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Randomize
