I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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