Rock
Scissors
Fuck
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Randomize
