So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
This baby is an asshole
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
