I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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