look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
