Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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