Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
