Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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