Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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