you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
We had to coat check the pizza.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
