Please, let me fuck your mom
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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