we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
