saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
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