I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
