i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Randomize
