She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
