My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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