you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
