haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
