that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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