i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
