I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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