I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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