Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Randomize
