At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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