First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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