Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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