she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
