Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
