I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Randomize
