I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
