everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
