Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
